Is therapy any good?

Plus: Was three kids too many kids??

The plummeting worldwide birth rate is my biggest fear in life (ME AND ELON MUSK), so I’m proud of us for having three children and rising above replacement rate, but also sometimes, when all three of them are crying simultaneously and we’re eating dinner standing up and the laundry hasn’t been dealt with for days, I’m wondering, dear heavenly Father, what have we done.

These thoughts occur. Still, there is so much sweetness and fullness in this time of life. As Guion said, “It’s a lot but good.”

Put the boy to work

Guion, let it be known, is the true hero of the summer, the nap captain, the dad in charge, as he’s got all three at home with him. He’s doing a great job, far better than I could. I am ineffably grateful, and the kids all love him more than me now!

After a brutal newborn phase, she’s become a real beam of sunshine

Last day of school for these big boys

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Today in Objectionable Opinions

Is Therapy Any Good?

I am routinely derided by my aforementioned wonderful husband for my skepticism about therapy. It is not fashionable to question the efficacy of therapy! Everyone should be in therapy! I talked to my therapist about that this week!

But I don’t believe talk therapy is the best method (or ought to be the first line of defense) for every psychological, relational, or spiritual problem. I don’t believe you should be in therapy perpetually, without end. I don’t believe there is much evidence that therapy does anything at all. I don’t believe that therapy is the primary vehicle that will make you whole.

Therapy can be helpful for many people, and I’m not fundamentally opposed to its existence. But I don’t believe it is helpful for everyone, universally, for all needs, amen.

Perhaps what I am primarily skeptical about is the current mania for universal therapizing and the application of therapy-speak to our lives, which encourages us to obsess over our emotional state constantly. This leads to a particularly unwholesome, but very of-the-moment, form of narcissism. It’s exhausting to maintain (to wit: “I, for one, am tired of talking about myself this much”).

The precociously wise Gen-Z columnist Freya India writes about this well. In a recent essay, she connects the new religion of therapy with the loss of actual religion, writing:

“Who is God? Some say therapy culture has no God. I think, more accurately, it’s us. God is who all this revolves around. All these apps and platforms serve us. AI chatbots are ‘all about you and your mental health journey’! Our online therapist is here to serve our every need, whenever we have one, any time of day. We are the divine; we are the deity. We have become the omniscient, omnipotent, omnibenevolent beings in our lives. There’s a reason, I think, that one of the most popular therapeutic phrases at the moment is is this serving me?”

Importantly, all of this navel-gazing isn’t helping us get better. We’re more mentally ill and less religious than ever. Young people are horribly lonely, depressed, and suicidal. They’re desperately looking for guidance. Therapy is offered up as that sole guidance, encouraging us to focus on ourselves and our feelings ad nauseam.

India concludes:

“I’m not saying we should all be religious. But I do believe we all worship something. We all serve somebody. And the bitter irony is, the best way to protect your mental health is to be damn sure it isn’t yourself.”

To the seeking young, I would say: It’s your prerogative to spend your hard-earned dollars talking to a therapist every week. But maybe you need to cultivate relationships with wise elders instead. Or go on a regular hike in the woods. Or delete TikTok. Or put your hands in the soil. Or go to church.

Therapy is not the only solution for what ails you.

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Before

Baby garden in 2015

After

Chaos garden in 2024

See what I mean? One day, maybe next year, I will start garden wrangling again. There’s so much work to be done.

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