Eternity utters a day
Plus some very unimportant household ephemera
I’ll never forget an early conversation with Meredith, our doula, who answered me calmly when I asked if home birth was risky, if it led to an increased risk of infant death. It doesn’t, but that’s not what Meredith said. Instead, she said that we’re always dealing with death when we’re in the space of giving birth.
Giving birth is one of the most profound experiences we can pass through, and thus, of course, it’s right on the other side of reckoning with death: our own death and the death of those we love. When we choose to bring a life into the world, we choose to deal with the ever-present reality of death.
Having a new baby makes me recall this conversation on a regular basis. I continue to be interested in confronting death and our culture’s grave fear of it (pun intended), and what I’ve been reading lately has drawn me further into this internal conversation.
I began thinking about dying again after reading this long, moving essay from a nurse, Sarah Braun, about guiding her mother through a “home death” and trying to maintain peaceful, respectful at-home burial rites, which have been so forgotten in our death-phobic society. It’s a challenging, straightforward account of how difficult it is to achieve a peaceful death in America, even for someone as educated and professionally prepared as Braun. I’m motivated to follow her advice and speak frankly with our parents about what they want for the end of their lives, to not speak with euphemistic phrases, to not hedge and avoid open talk about our mutual and inevitable ends.
Time is what we’ve been given. It is all we have. I’m also influenced by what I’m currently reading: Abraham Joshua Heschel’s classic The Sabbath. In this slim, beautifully written book, the revered Rabbi Heschel meditates on why the Sabbath is a crucial component of Judaism and why we were made for it.
Importantly, this book is connected in my mind to these refreshed thoughts of death. Rabbi Heschel writes:
“While Jewish tradition offers us no definition of the concept of eternity, it tells us how to experience the taste of eternity or eternal life within time. Eternal life does not grow away from us; it is ‘planted within us,’ growing beyond us. The world to come is therefore not only a posthumous condition, dawning upon the soul on the morrow after its departure from the body. The essence of the world to come is Sabbath eternal, and the seventh day in time is an example of eternity. The seventh day has the flavor of the seventh heaven and was given as a foretaste of the world to come; ot hi le-’olam, a token of eternity.”
This reframing of eternity seems to be an essential way for us to reckon with the fact of death. Rehearsing eternity each week through the Sabbath, which elsewhere Heschel calls “eternity in disguise,” is a gift from God, and one that I want to increasingly find ways to put into regular practice.
Household digest
And now for something far less weighty: The household digest.
The pleasures of mopping
In the short bursts of time I have during leave, which occur if Guion is wearing the baby for a nap, I have been cleaning my floors, and am always struck by what a huge improvement is made. I use my O-Cedar mop with a splash of the fabulous Caldrea sea salt neroli all-purpose cleaner and think about what a shame it is that I don’t typically have or make time for mopping. Having clean floors elevates the room (and my mood) instantly. So, may I suggest: Feeling down? Mop your floors.
House tours of British residences
I don’t have time to shower, but I do have time to watch enchanting house tours of fabulous British homes while breastfeeding. Highly recommended for some interior design inspiration. Favorite sources: House & Garden “Design Notes” and Sunday Times’ “Living with Style.” I also loved this interview with the wonderful Rita Konig about how she transformed this small sitting room. These homes are far more interesting and beautiful, IMHO, than anything trending in American interior design.
A glass teapot for loose-leaf tea
I want to be into loose-leaf tea, but the tedium of the set-up often dissuades me. We had been using two full-size porcelain teapots, one for steeping and one for decanting the steeped tea into, and the wash-up required (not to mention the china cups and saucers) always made me choose cheap tea bags to plop into a mug. Enter this affordable Japanese glass teapot with a big straining basket. It’s $18 and the perfect size for several cups of tea. The glass is sturdy, and the handle doesn’t get hot to the touch. It’s also delightful to watch tightly wrapped oolongs unfurl and to note the color differences in various teas. Recommended.
A gift-wrap organizer
It’s the little improvements, you know? I used to store wrapping paper, ribbons, and bags in a poorly organized under-bed bin. It took up too much space and did not effectively corral the various rolls of paper. Enter this hanging organizer, which I put in the closet, and which stores everything I need at a glance.
Speaking of mortality and time flying by, our eldest child turns five tomorrow. Sweet Moses has blossomed into a thoughtful, curious, sensitive, and observant boy. He’s especially doting on his little sister and mostly tolerant of his adoring (but annoying) little brother.
We are excited to celebrate him and look forward to the year ahead.
Favorite newsletters
Apparently I subscribe to 51 Substacks (ha), and I spend a lot of time reading them in the dead of night while nursing. These are my current favorites:
Living Small by Laura Fenton: Fantastic, wise advice about living thoughtfully in our homes
The Minimalista Edit by Shira Gill: My favorite organizational guru
The Cereal Aisle: Truly wild outfits, meditations on dressing, and interviews with moms, by Leandra Medine Cohen
Everything Is Liminal: Jenna Park’s newsletter on creativity, aging, and family
Links I Would Gchat You If We Were Friends: A solid weekly link roundup
Ask Polly and her darker, weirder alt-sister Ask Molly: Advice columns by the wise and wonderful Heather Havrilesky
Dinner: A Love Story: Even though I don’t cook, I love reading about how Jenny Rosenstrach thinks about feeding her family, and finding recipes for Guion to add to the queue
Never Not Nervous: An illustrated newsletter! Amusing comics of daily life
Leafhopper by Max Falkowitz: Wei gave me a subscription to this tea expert’s newsletter, which is a real deep dive into the world of tea.
“For where shall the likeness of God be found? There is no quality that space has in common with the essence of God. There is not enough freedom on the top of the mountain; there is not enough glory in the silence of the sea. Yet the likeness of God can be found in time, which is eternity in disguise.”
— The Sabbath, Abraham Joshua Herschel
Currently reading
Cultish, Amanda Montell
Writers & Lovers, Lily King
The Left Hand of Darkness, Ursula K. Le Guin
The Sabbath, Abraham Joshua Heschel
The Sabbath is so amazing, every word.